MAKE A MOVIE

It had to come up, and it did. I was exchanging views about Congressional Investigations into everything Russian, including ingredients for Ruskie salad dressing. My opponent said that the two elderly Republican senators were unAmerican. I stopped and asked for a clarification. The senators were anti-Trump which likely means they are full-red-blooded American males who are anti-Russian.

I asked, “Do you know of a book called The Manchurian Candidate?” There was hemming, hawing and harrumphing. “Perhaps you saw the movie?” Frank Sinatra was in the first which suffered from the lack of good song and dance, an absence of Marilyn Monroe and no hint of ballet.

There was a second The Manchurian Candidate, but I never saw it. I don’t know which big stars were in it; it was therefore a dud.

Now is the time to remake The Manchurian Candidate – third time’s a charm. I’m very encouraged. It’s good for business when Americans have had had Presidents whose career and job performance generate movies. Bill Clinton had loads of movies made about him – President as murderer; President as philanderer; President as corrupt. Bush and Obama were cinematographically uninteresting. But the new guy – let’s see what entertainment does with him.

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NO BRAINER – SEQUEL

“Titanic.” Why no sequel? Anyone with half a mind would have written and made one. Another two billion in the bank. Of course, Leonardo could not be in the second, unless he had a twin. But Kate would have been perfect, as she frequently is, unless she’s dying.

STORY: No title yet. I want suggestions.[Send your suggestions plus $25 to this blog and a return-addressed stamped envelope, and I’ll consider each.]

Kate lands in New York. (Forget about that lame-ass ending on movie one.) Billy finds her. All is forgiven. They set up the married life in and around New York City, an early version of “The Great Gatsby.” Kate find New Yorkers dull, excitable and deleterious. It’s a taxing, tiring life. Rather than an existence of “Gangs of New York” crossed with anything written by Edith Wharton, Kate is looking for “Downton Abbey” without Shirley MacLaine. She has to learn how to turn on the electric lights.

It’s rough living among upper class New Yorkers, the mucky-mucks, swells and others. She decides to return to England but promises to return. Traveling with girlfriends, they have a wild time – the usual stuff. The ladies have friends, Tom, Harry, Dick, Leonardo and Bill. The audience learns the many innuendos suggested by the adage: “A slice off a cut loaf is never missed.” A story twist – to spy on his wife Billy hires on the ship as a common seaman. Being lower class he easily gets into Kate’s circle and becomes a favorite dispensing favors.

The powers that be, the captain and upper classers are distressed by the improprieties, the improper priorities, the lack of social comportments and failures of grace. Ill-repute will be cast on the ship and the shipping company. No one wants to think of their vessel as “The Love Boat.”

The Captain calls Kate and her common seaman in. He dresses her down and upbraids him. But Billy saves the day. He professes true love for Kate, and reveals who he is.  Kate is lovey-dovey; the Captain is surprised but relents. AT THAT POINT two torpedoes hit the ship. It sinks quickly.

I don’t know who should survive this sinking of the Lusitania.  

“GRAVITY” – Sequel, Duh!

The movie, “Gravity,” got the largest U.S. box office last week. It is about two astronauts [George Clooney and Sandra Bullock] floating in space after their space craft or the space station is destroyed, or after their Virgin Atlantic spaceflight went awry. Ed Harris is in the movie as flight control, Houston, I suppose. After being in “The Right Stuff,” Harris adds credibility to any space movie. I have not seen the movie, but after the big October box office, it’s never too early to talk sequel.

Missing from Movie One because I’ve heard no ditties, is a song. This is outer space so Andy Williams or Perry Cuomo have to sing it. No one can have Janis Joplin belt it out – she’s too down to earth. The song not in the movie but should be is, “Dancing on the Atmosphere.” When an object enters the Earth’s atmosphere, it burns up. When “Gravity” causes our astronaut duo to get close to the atmosphere, they perform movie tricks, bounce off and don’t burn. That move and song are called “Dancing on the Atmosphere.”

The atmosphere is separate and apart from the burning, the chemistry, that the youngsters, Sandra and George have for one another. [This is all from press reports. We know how accurate that is. Marriage tomorrow, divorce by the weekend.]

The SEQUEL. George and Sandra have not been impaired or traumatized enough. They’re on a second space flight together, which is also jinxed. A sun flair destroys their spaceship, but [a contrivance] they avoid death by riding a wave of energy. [The accompanying music and song “Radiation Waltz.”] During the waltz they are protected in a thermal blanket, where fortunately everything including all movement remains uncover. The audience never sees the ill-effects of gamma [not grandma] rays.

Passing by a comet and our astronautic duo grabs the tail and rides. [SONG – Catch a comet by the tail.] Two songs, they ought to make this a musical. JOB OPENING: Seeking songwriter. Good platform. Lyric and music for movie/musical. Contact this blog.

After the music ends George and Sandra realize they’re going the wrong way and they’ve gone too far. They are in the Astroid Belt beyond Mars. They got off on an astroid and disagree. He wants to put all the rocks in the Belt together and form a planet; she want to return to mother earth. It’s the first time George has taken a good look at Sandra; she is shriveled. [Song: Summer Peach in the Fall] They locate a supply of oxygen in the astroid. With released energy the rock races toward Earth, the only bullseye in the Universe.[SONG: Target Earth] As they fly by the moon, hydrogen bombs explode near them. The countries with nuclear capabilities are sending bombs to blow up the astroid.

ALTERNATIVE ENDINGS:

1. George and Sandra die in a nuclear explosion. [Song: Direct Hit – I love you.] This is a bad way to kill off a movie franchise. The audience wants to see George and Sandra in space again, and again, and again. Also, there’s no happy ending for a big musical flourish. 

2. It’s a nice astroid, darting among H-Bombs. It finally stops and drops George and Sandra off near a space station. [Song, Welcome Home] The astroid becomes a new earth satellite which hosts network equipment from Time, Warner Cable & Internet.

3. The most exciting ending [Song: Jump Off] As they approach Earth, George and Sandra jump off the astroid and float to a space station where they knock. They get on and watch: The astroid skirts the Earth and the atmosphere and heads for the Sun. It smacks that burning orb, [Song: Space is a Blast] causing a massive flair to stream toward earth but missing it. However, the Space Station/craft? Sequel 3.[Song: History Repeats.]

If all this sounds silly and stupid, remember it is the magic of Hollywood, and we’re talking big bucks: Platforms, actors and sequels!