I’m an expert. I’ve observed fat and the decline of the human body as it muddles with extra pounds toward the ultimate rest.

I saw Hillary crumbled on nine-eleven. She went to the doctor. She could afford to lose 70 pounds. The argument that FAT IS A FEMINIST ISSUE should now read, FAT IS A HEALTH ISSUE for every female American. Hillary has now released medical records, her own, not a double’s records.

Don Trump has gone on a Talk Show with a doctor he would never hire. Doctor Oz is a Muslim. He should have been deported before his TV show started. Or, he should have been deported when Don Trump entered the race for president. Or, he should have been deported after Don Trump accepted the Republican nomination for President. Or, perhaps, Oz will be deported after Don Trump wins the election.

Doctor Oz has put off deportation. Based upon one page written by a Doctor, Oz does not know and opines about a body Oz has not seen. Oz says Don Trump is fit to be POTUS. Sounds like medical malpractice to me – grounds for deportation. This one page set of medical conclusions is suspect. Any old fat man in New York could get a similar one page document. Don Trump likely had two score men saying they would be his double for this medical examination. I don’t know whose body the one page text refers to – Don Trump, some errant white grunt or Doctor Oz.

The first noticeable health defect afflicting Don Trump is weight. He started this campaign weighing 285, and now looks like he’s pushing 325 pounds. That’s fatter than Hermann Goering, and Buddha happily sitting on a pedestal in a city square greeting people, and Mike Huckabee, or any Muslim – terrorist or otherwise.

Before the Mighty Oz, on paper Don lost 100 pounds, pounding the scales at 236. That’s a typo for 326. He admitted to Oz he had to lose 20 pounds, but if he’s at 236, he ought to be losing 40 pounds. Fat is fat.

Old, obese, adipose men are subject to heart disease and strokes. The cheering in the background is Mike Pense running for Vice President. If he wins he cannot be fired. His campaign slogan is: Trump 2016. Pense 2017.

It seems likely that Don Trump will release no further medical records, other than the one page opinion reviewed by an unqualified doctor. There is a slogan about that MD: That guy is a Muslim. He is a LOSER! Deport!

It seems likely that Don Trump is using a double to take his medical appointments and to campaign. First, all doubles use copious amounts of makeup – who knows if the fat man speaking before a group is Don Trump#1? #2? #3? #4? On the day that this one page report was produced, the double took off the makeup and he weighed 236. The real Don is much heavier.

When Don-of-a-Month-Ago gave a speech, he would gesticulate. He moved given fingers singularity and ensemble, of one hand or another, in geometric shapes – squares, straight lines, perhaps a diagonal and certainly many verticals (up and down like Hitler did).

Don-of-Today no longer makes geometric shapes. Perhaps he’s had a secret medical condition that limits his hand gestures. Instead his right thumb and right index finger are stuck together like they are glued. The significance of the circle may mean zero, or it may mean Don is trying to perfect his aim, or Don is bringing to the attention of the American people The Big O, or Don is indicating that he is a moving target. His left hand grips the rostrum, again stuck so he can’t move.

These differences in gesticulations are high suspect. Don’t be fooled. It’s 110 percent certain that Don has suffered a medical condition, or there are at least two Dons on the Republican campaign trail. Each uses different hand gestures.

There is no transparency with Trump close by. He is so gross, large, huge, yuge, humungous that Don blocks the sun. There is no light; no one can see anything.


Dear President Obama,

You must act immediately with pen and telephone because Congress cannot be quick. Deport Justin Bieber. What sort of name is that? Sounds Canadian.

If you are serious about foreign nationals living in the United States of America, you should also expect each of them to comport himself according to the law and following traditional social norms. In other words, those foreign nationals can not act like Americans today. There should be no second chance. Send offending foreign nationals home, and give others a chance to live here.

Canadians were once polite, civil and fit for American society. This reputation comes from their origins. It is reported in some historical circles that when the French “discovered” Canada, native Canadians said to them “Aca nada.” The French explorers were polite and listened, and Frenchified the word, “A Canada.” The French did not know that the Spanish had arrived earlier in that land and looked around. They repeated to one another. “Aca nada,” which in Spanish means, “There is nothing here.”

However, Canadians are much changed.Rob Ford has demonstrated that. (Notice the Canadians are so polite to overlook Ford’s faults; he’s even running for reelection.) Justin Bieber is Rob Ford’s soulmate, and is proof that Canadians should remain north of the border, living in their igloos, playing ice hockey and dancing with polar bears. These are their preferred activities. Give some sun, warmth and the protection of the red, white and blue, and a Canadian cannot control himself.

With the stroke of a pen and a short telephone call today, you can take the most decisive action of your Second Term and rid the country of a foreign irritant and leave Americans with home grown varieties: Lindsey Lohan – excuse New York City birth – and Miley Cyrus – now show her naked tongue rather than a naked body and Americans can wonder which is photoshopped.